It’s Thanksgiving and I’m sitting here in front of the fire at my grandparents’ house shocked that I’m even writing a post on my own platform.
Even though I have been wanting to start a blog for a few years now, I’m finally taking the plunge after I realized something about myself in a therapy session a few weeks ago (don’t judge, they say people in therapy are more sane than those not in therapy, so joke’s actually on those of you not in therapy).
My therapist asked me to come back to our next session and tell her what my dream life would look like if there were nothing holding me back and there were no restraints to my wildest dreams; where I’d like to live, what my job would be, what my partner and home life would look like, etc.
I still have yet to answer. I have been avoiding it.
In my mind, that’s the worst thing that I could ever do.
I mean, shit, I avoided a huge part of my final grade in my high school, senior year, psych class because I didn’t want to write a letter to the Samantha five years in the future.
Why? I honestly don’t believe in myself and don’t see a future for myself.
Yeah, I’m aware of how horrible that sounds, I really am. I can’t seem to help it, though.
The thought of setting these outlandish goals for myself, that I believe I will never be able to attain, seems useless to me.
All I see it as is a way of just setting myself up for disappointment and failure, but clearly, that’s no way to think.
That’s how this new home for all of my word vomit comes into play.
I want to stop seeing myself, my life and my future in such a negative light, and I know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I’m hoping that by writing on this type of platform, setting goals for myself, and tracking my progress, I’ll see how far I have actually come and just be overall happier with who I am, what I am doing and where I am going.
I know that part of my problem is dwelling on a lot of the things that have happened to me in my past, and the things that I can’t control, but I’m realizing now that, that is doing nothing but wasting energy that I could be putting into things that will actually improve my life and my mental health.
But, with all of that being said, I don’t want this to just be some self-help-esque blog (there’s nothing wrong with self-help blogs, they’re just not my thing).
In all honesty, I really just want a place where I can ramble about whatever the hell is happening in my life or on my mind – the good, the bad, the ugly, the hilarious (I’ve honestly compared my life to a romantic-comedy, minus the romance. It’s basically just an awkward comedy that Michael Cera would probably star in).
So, here’s to new beginnings – to making changes in my life and truly appreciating and being thankful for what I do have, no matter how minute it may seem.
Maybe, in the end, this blog will only be useful for me, and will just be a way for me to look back and laugh at my musings; but, I really hope that you, the person reading this, right now, will be able to take something away from it, as well.
You, like me, may not be told as often as you would like, but I just want you to know that I believe in you and everything you hope and dream about accomplishing in your life.
You may not know me, and I may not know you, but I do believe in you.
I know that you will be able to accomplish anything you put your mind to.
I’m rooting for you with everything that I have, and for everything that you want to do in your life.
You can do it – just like how I can, too.